Maybe it's just me, or maybe its not. But there came a certain time when I just got sick of all the bullshit. Someone told me to stand up on my own two feet and stop being a doormat. And I did. Maybe I should have done that a very long time ago. I've changed a great deal in the process and my circle of friends has shifted. But I'm happier. I'm soo very much happier than I was during all that time as a doormat.

I know that I have changed. But in the eyes of many people, it has been a change for the better. This change has come through a great deal of self-discovery and self-acknowledgment. In looking at myself, I like this change too. It becomes difficult after a certain point to please people in order to please yourself. It's a tiring ask that never ends and one you can never actually succeed at. After awhile you learn that in the end you have to please three people, yourself, God and your significant other. And the third is highly debatable even still. It's not what you've done for yourself at the end of the day either, its how you feel about what you've done for others. Everyone always says that you feel better about yourself when you do more for others, funny thing is its really true.

When you find yourself coming to terms with all the things that scare you and the things that have destroyed your heart the most. You rediscover yourself. You rediscover the things that make you yourself. Which is one of the reasons why I've ended up back here. In one of the places I have discovered the most about myself, one of the few places where I can say everything while saying nothing.

I do know that sometimes you need answers to questions that others don't want to answer. But those answers sometimes put demons to rest. And those answers are sometimes the best things that you're the most thankful for. I'm realizing that the people who you thought are your very best friends aren't really necessarily your friends. But the people that you don't think you're ever going to be with or be with again, are the one's that surprise you and hold your hand through the good and the bad. I know that friends really do exist for a reason, season or lifetime. And that when they've left their footprints on your heart you can't hold onto the past. You just need to embrace the memory and their purpose and put your feet one in front of the other.


Noela