I guess more and more each day lately I've been realizing things. A lot of things actually, about life and death, my future and my past, past, present, the what if's, the coulda's, shoulda's and woulda's. About who I am and what I am made of. I'm defining myself and in doing so, I'm realizing exactly what it is that I have been doing. And I wish I could take it back. I almost wish that I could be able to take back all of what it is that I have done. But the key word in that sentence is "almost". Because a long time ago I learned not to regret, because regret is pointless when you can't change things. Instead, I take things as a lesson learned and move on.

You see the thing is there was this boy, a summer boy of course. Well, he turned my world upside-down. It's just now that I'm finally turning it right side up again. As I'm redefining my world, I'm realizing just how much he changed me, and I'm mad. I'm mad that I let myself be changed that much. I realized that it wasn't his fault either, it was mine, for letting myself be changed. For trying so hard to be something that I totally wasn't. People kept telling me that I wasn't myself, that they missed the old me and I missed that girl too. Well, I'm here to say shes back and I realized that only a few days ago. When I was being a total goofball with my best friends, I realized that I was back, the girl that we all missed. And a single look from my sister, I realized that I was me again. And I don't think that I've been happier in a really long time.

I am however mad still, that I changed for a boy. I just wish that everyone could realize, especially a certain person that love dearly, that she is doing the exact same thing that I did. She is losing herself, but she doesn't realize it, and if she does, she likes the new her better. But I miss the real her.

But part of me that I missed the most was the little girl that I've always been. See, part of me that went missing that everyone missed the most was my playfulness. I am one of those people that can act like a complete idiot and public and not care because I'm with my best friends. I can be exactly who I am and someone say that they hate my guts and I can look them dead in the eye and say "SO WHAT". That was the girl that disappeared as well. But I'm back, the playfulness, the desire, the joy, the blondness, she's back, all of her.

I am once again myself. I realize that I am me, that is exactly who I am and that is all that I can be. I'm just simply me.



Lauren Noela